On Solitude and Companionship
If you’ve been to a Hangar Coaching Weekend, the word solitude is no stranger. I would also say the word companionship is very familiar as well and most people know what they mean. Lately I have been thinking about them and how important these two virtues are in regards to our spiritual, mental, and emotional health!
When I think of the word solitude, I think about spending time alone with God or you could say simply spending time with yourself. The next thing that comes to mind at least for me is: “why is this so damn hard?”
When you think about the opposite of solitude that would be companionship, so the opposite of spending time alone, which would mean spending time with people in fellowship and friendship. There is a time and a place for both but we see in the Bible where Jesus not only went to pray alone(Mark 1:35) and to find rest in solitude but he also asked his closest companions to spend solitude with him(Mark 6:31). Together in the quiet. Now when is the last time you asked your buddies to just sit with you like Jobs buddies did (Job 3-22) I can’t think of any times personally, besides when they ask us to at hangar weekends!
When I think of spending time alone, it feels like it’s really forced or has to be scheduled. But when it comes to companionship and spending time with other people that’s easy for me. I’m a gregarious person and it doesn’t seem hard or forced to spend time with people. I don’t know exactly why that is the case but I don’t think I’m the only one who deals with this issue. In fact I’m currently reading a book called Dopamine Nation, which talks about living in and with overabundance. Really all this means is we live longer than we ever have, we have the best medical advancements at our fingertips, and technology is at heights it’s never been before. Honestly everything is just easier than it used to be. However, we still find ourselves as a more prescribed, depressed, anxious, and stressed ridden people more than ever before. The way she says it in the book sums it up well: “We are really good at distraction, more specifically really good at avoiding ourselves”!
What I want is for that to change. What I mean is I want to be able to be good at solitude, companionship and at times be good at both of them together.
Ben Derrick and a lot of men say “If nothing changes, then nothing changes” and sometimes that starts with doing the hard stuff. Ever heard of K.I.S.S? The acronym “keep it simple stupid?” I think this is true but don’t mistake simple for easy!! Scheduling time to sit alone may be simple but it isn’t easy.
We don’t have to figure out all the answers and the whys so that we can enjoy sitting in solitude per say, But I do have to have self-awareness to recognize something is missing in my life, and that is solitude.
There’s also a second part of solitude and that is spending alone time with God. Im sure you can imagine if I’m not good at solitude then I’m probably not good at the second part either. The thing about that is, I know why I am not good at spending alone time with God. To make it less wordy I’m going to quote Curt Thompson. He says “In a lot of our homes growing up we found a roof above our heads, we would be in church every Sunday, food found its way to the table, and even money in the college fund, but at the end of the day, our parents left our hearts completely undiscovered, and they really don’t know who we are.”
I like the saying, the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, the opposite of addiction is connection. The truth is me and my dad living in the same household, had a relationship, as if it was long distance! I have lived the life of a long distant relationship with my dad while living and walking right along side him. At least that’s how it feels. Just at a safe distance! What a strange thing, right?
The truth is, I never had a real connection with my dad on an intimate level, you know the “into me see” level. To be clear, this leads me to view/see my relationship with my Heavenly Father the same way!
So that’s what I struggle with and that’s what I know. I think the final question is what have I learned?
What I’ve learned is that being healthy means finding time and balance for solitude and companionship. I want to be more specific and make sure the details are clear as I believe the truth is in the details.
What I mean is the goal isn’t self awareness, yes that’s a step in the right direction but the goal is to focus on what I can control and that’s where I put my efforts followed by what I can’t control I give to God.
I will leave you with this prayer that every AA meeting starts with. It goes like this:
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Blake Vail
